Friday, August 9, 2013

I just want to remember

Sometimes when I try to recall memories of people I've (we've) lost, I can't. I can't conjure a laugh or a smile or capture anything about them

It's upsetting. I imagine if I think really hard I can bring it all back but it seems to be lost. Probably not lost. Just hidden deep in my psyche, I guess.

How can a person affect you so deeply while no longer animated in your mind? I tell myself that maybe, just maybe, if I had not been so selfish and just lived for the moment, captured every juicy detail about a time and a place and that person so that I could bring it back to life in my mind. It really is quite the vicious cycle. What I wouldn't give to live in the past for just a second.

I know better now, whether I remember things as vividly as I care to or not. At least I won't have any regrets for not stopping and taking a really good look. Photos help, videos are even better. Nothing beats being able to remember how someone laughed or hugged you though. Nothing.

So they remain stationary in the memory I can recall but I'm convinced still very much alive when I'm dreaming.

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